No one is doing anything to you that you are not allowing.
So with that clarity in mind, ask yourself, what are you tolerating?
- Do you believe that anything that bothers you cannot be rectified?
- Do you feel victimized by life, or by the actions of others?
- Do you unwittingly look for reasons to be offended or annoyed?
- Do you tolerate far more than you believe you should have to tolerate?
- Do you seethe beneath the surface, yet say little or nothing?
- Do you make sarcastic remarks rather than state your true feelings?
- Do you harbor resentments over the actions of others?
- Do you say “yes” when you mean “no”?
- Are you tolerating bullshit to keep the peace?
- Are you afraid to say what you think and feel?
Download Meme: Eliminate Tolerations & BS
Others may inadvertently ruffle our feathers, and unless we are assertive, as opposed to being passive-aggressive or aggressive in our responses (or worse –passive), then we are likely to raise temperaments to unhealthy communication levels of yelling and conflict.
So what’s a nice girl to do?
Speak your truth using “I” messages. In other words, begin any sentence stating your feelings as, “I feel _________.”
Here’s why: Others can dispute and defend their own actions. They really are not able to dispute your feelings. When you fully own your feelings, and speak from the heart as to how you feel using “I” messages, you are most effective in getting your point across.
Conversely, if the first thing out of your mouth is, “You _____,” the receiver in the conversation is most apt to become immediately defensive against the coming perceived attack on them personally. When you start with, “You,” in a conversation, the person knows something personal is coming, because by starting with “You,” you began the sentence with saying so!
To test this out, try this concept on. Be the receiver as you’re told by someone that:
“You make me feel bad when you don’t listen to me.”
How do you feel when you hear this?
What reaction does the sentence call up?
Do you feel defensive when you’re told that you make the sender feel bad?
Generally, when we hear the word “you,” as it begins a sentence, we immediately become guarded, knowing we are going to be accused of doing something.
Now try this one on, still as the receiver being told:
“I feel as if I don’t matter, when I’m not being listened to.”
Can you sense the difference? With the second sentence, the sender of the message is stating how he or she feels. No one is being attacked, so the communication lines don’t slam shut. No one needs to be defensive.
There is another consideration. If you are tolerating behaviors, treatments, etc., that don’t positively support you, STOP. It really is that easy. There need not be a drama or trauma; simply cease to interact or play into anything that no longer serves your best interest. If you’ve stated your feelings and the tolerations still hold, it’s up to you to walk away and cease to play the victim role.
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