Sometimes Valentine’s Day can lead to depression. If your own love life is not what it could be, or if you are a Winged-Woman flying solo, you may be feeling dejected, or forlorn, or introspective. One of these things, by the way, is not like the others….
So love yourself first.
It’s more than the adage of applying your own oxygen mask first. It’s about delving into the lessons you learned about what love is. It’s about looking directly in the face of who taught you about love.
- Who were your role models for love?
- Were they healthy, balanced relationships based on equality?
- Is your concept of love, realistic?
- Do you know what authentic love is?
- What do you know about love?
- What do you do about self-love?
I’ll be frank, there was a time when I truly loathed Valentine’s Day as a trumped-up retail holiday designed to make everyone feel guilty for not paying enough attention to our loved-ones. I thought it was a terribly manipulative socially supported action that forced folks into expressions of love when the timing wasn’t authentic. I didn’t like being told when to give chocolates, flowers and cards, anymore than I appreciated the demand that I buy presents at Christmas; it all felt too contrived.
Valentine’s Day, as a holiday, is also, obviously the salt in wounds of lost love, or for anyone wishing for a soul-mate. The spotlight shines where we may not want it to illuminate. Maybe we just want to be left alone with our heartaches and half-empty wine bottle, grasping the remote, switching between sitcoms and drama, anything but Lifetime as we make it through the dark, love-less night, even while we imagine others dining and professing their love….
I’ll be even more frank: I love being single. I mean, I truly LOVE being single. There are no limits or expectations when there is not a significant other to balance life with. And yes, I do know that some readers will wonder if that is a veil for truth. So here it is: I swear, I prefer to be single.
My old patterns had me walking away almost as soon as I realized the latest guy of my sights was hooked. And because I don’t enjoy that feeling in my guts when I’m watching him sobbing in my rear-view mirror…I stopped dating. It was a conscious decision. One of those profound moments in life when it’s impossible to not recognize one’s hand in the destruction of others’ lives.
And so I stopped. I ceased to date seriously. I began to investigate my capacity for love. I explored what I believe love to be, who my role models for love were, and how realistic my ideals were.
In the end, I spent more time with me. I began the internal journey to learn to love me to the point of not having to run away from love when it really did manage to sneak up on me.
The invaluable lessons were these:
Have you stopped to question your capacity for love?
Today, for Valentine’s Day, in addition to the meme download above, I offer you a gift. This is an e-book from my library that may help you to determine if your love relationships are generally healthy, or are perhaps a bit co-dependent.
Happy Valentine’s Day Goddess!
Single or not, do something nice for you today.