When to Say No
When to Say Yes
For over 3 decades, I have witnessed how difficult it typically is for women to say a simple two-letter word. Many women need to learn to say “No.” Then they need to stick, assertively to that “No.”
In a group setting, clients stand face-to-face, palms together, and feel into the “no.” They do this by starting out saying “No,” to each other. Generally the “No,” is quite timid, almost apologetic. This energy gradually escalates, until each participant has fully owned her “No.” The women are stronger, clearer, most assertive, and unquestionably empowered by the exercise.
If you are at home, don’t despair. You too can own your voice using your bathroom mirror. It may be intimidating initially, however once you’ve practiced saying “No,” to the reflection in the mirror, it will get easier to say no when it’s the best option in the real world.
Learning to say no is empowering. It may also be the key to not feeling overwhelm or over-worked. So let me ask you, do you say yes when it would better to say no?
- Maybe it would mean your plate was not over-flowing to “to-do” items.
- Maybe learning to say no would stop providing an excuse to be a martyr.
- Maybe your self-identify is wrapped up in being the one to do “everything.”
- Maybe you secretly hide behind piles of to’do’s’ as a mask for intimacy.
- Maybe you just lack the confidence to say no when it would benefit you.
Here’s the challenge: Women tend to neglect self-care in exchange for caring for others. It’s innate. We are programmed, as women, either by nature or nurture, or in opinion by both avenues of conditioning, to care for others.
We have the blessed feminine power of creation, of giving birth to the next generation which will pray-fully save our human species. That’s a big charge!
Our intuition is to consider others, without even consciously meaning to be aware of others’ needs. We just do it. That’s a beautiful quality. It can however, be the drain or the excuse for not participating at a higher level.
February is the month of love. And even though that’s a theme designed by card and chocolate retailers, it’s also a wonderful trigger to remind us to care and nurture ourselves. It’s an important habit to incorporate into our busy schedules. With that self-care in mind, I encourage you to learn to say no when it is best to do so, and to say yes to yourself, when it means self-love.